You Don't Have to Solve Every Problem Your Team Brings You

Why You Fall Into the Trap of Wanting to Say Yes

You want to be a helper. You have a tendency to say yes to everyone. You want to support people and give them what they need when they need it.

That's part of why you became a manager. You have many of the answers. You're a problem solver. That's all part of who you are.

But at some point, you have to draw a line and say, "I can't solve every problem my team brings me."

Because it's not fair to you or to them.

You know you're busy. The last thing you need is one more item on your plate. So when someone shows up at your door or sends you a Teams message with a question, sometimes it's just easier to answer it than to spend a few minutes explaining or coaching them on how to solve it themselves.

And sometimes you genuinely do need to step in.

The problem isn't helping. The problem is becoming the default answer machine.

Every time you immediately solve the problem, you may get the issue off their plate. But you also put it on yours.

And over time, you may unintentionally teach your team: When I'm not sure what to do, bring it to you.

That's where helping turns into dependence.

Change the First Question You Ask

When someone brings you a problem, your first thought may be, "How do I solve this?"

Try changing the question.

Instead of immediately figuring out what you would do, ask them what they would do.

It can be as simple as:

What have you tried so far?

What do you think we should do?

What options have you considered?

If I weren't here, what would you do?

What do you need from me? Or you could even rephrase that as, "How can I help?"

That last question is one of my favorites.

We have a tendency to assume that when someone brings us a problem, they're asking us to solve it. But that's not always what they need.

They may need some information. They may need permission to move forward. They may want you to listen while they think out loud. Or they may just need reassurance that they're heading in the right direction.

You won't know unless you ask.

That's the whole point. Don't assume you know what someone needs from you. Ask them.

Resist the Urge to Jump In

Here's where it gets a little harder.

You ask, "What do you think we should do?"

They give you an answer.

And inside your head you're thinking, Nope. That's not what I would do.

So you jump in.

"Here's what you should do…"

And there goes the coaching opportunity.

You don't have to agree with their first answer. And you certainly don't have to let them make a decision that's going to create a bigger problem.

But before you give them your answer, ask another question.

"What else could you do?"

"What might happen if you tried that?"

"What's the downside?"

"Which option makes the most sense to you?"

Now you're helping them think through the problem rather than taking ownership of it.

And don't turn this into a 20-question coaching exercise until they wish they'd never asked you in the first place.

Sometimes one or two good questions are enough.

The goal isn't to make them guess the answer that's already in your head. The goal is to help them develop their own ability to think through the situation.

Know When Coaching Isn't the Answer

Of course, not every situation calls for a coaching conversation.

Sometimes you should just give the answer.

If there's a safety issue, a compliance concern, a serious customer problem, an emergency, or someone simply doesn't have enough experience or information to handle the situation yet, step in.

People-first leadership isn't about withholding help in the name of development. It's about knowing what kind of help someone needs.

Sometimes they need coaching.

Sometimes they need teaching.

Sometimes they need an answer.

And sometimes they need you to take the problem.

The skill is learning to recognize the difference.

Before you jump in, take a second and ask yourself: What does this person need from me right now?

If they can solve the problem with a little guidance, give them the guidance.

If they can't, give them what they need.

"Not Now" Is Also an Answer

There's another reason you end up taking on problems that aren't necessarily yours.

Timing.

Someone catches you between meetings. A Teams message pops up while you're trying to finish something. Someone walks into your office and says, "Do you have a minute?"

And somehow their problem immediately becomes your priority.

It doesn't have to.

You can say:

"I want to help you think this through, but I can't give it the attention it deserves right now. Let's come back to it at 2:00."

That's not being dismissive. That's setting a boundary.

You can also put some of the responsibility back where it belongs:

"Take 15 minutes, come up with a couple of options, and then let's talk."

Now you've done two things.

You've protected your time, and you've given them an opportunity to work through the problem before bringing it back to you.

You haven't said no.

You've said, not now — and do some thinking before we talk.

Build Capability, Not Dependence

One of the most important parts of your job is developing your team.

In fact, I've always believed part of your job is to develop people who could eventually replace you. That's how they grow, and it's how you create opportunities for yourself to grow too.

Your goal shouldn't be to become indispensable because you're the only person who knows how to solve every problem.

It's almost the opposite.

The stronger your team becomes, the less they need you for every decision.

Yes, that means fewer interruptions and fewer problems landing on your plate. That's a nice benefit.

But something more important is happening.

They're developing judgment.

They're gaining confidence.

They're taking ownership.

And eventually, the conversation changes.

Instead of:

"What should I do?"

You start hearing:

"Here's what happened. Here are the options I considered. Here's what I think we should do."

That's development. Helping your people doesn't mean solving everything for them. Sometimes the best way you can support someone is to give them the opportunity to discover that they can solve the problem themselves.

Your Turn

• Reflect: When someone brings you a problem, what's your first instinct — to solve it or help them think it through?
• Assess: Where might you have unintentionally trained your team to depend on you for answers?
• Engage: The next time someone brings you a problem, ask one question before offering a solution: "What do you think we should do?"

If you would like an accountability partner, reply to me, and I read all the responses.

This Week's Resource

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